Reflect. {Dear 2017}

Dear 2017, 

You were a wild year.  

Twelve fulfilling months full of growth and change. And more than countable tears, and laughter, and heartfelt loss and uncertainty and worry. And so many firsts.

thank you.



I kicked off January with my third month working for a local restaurant, and worked much longer than I needed or wanted to at that job. I quit in February and felt the chains of not running my own schedule slip away (I felt like a new woman, truth be told). I began realizing just what an impact worship was making on my soul as I worked in Celebrate Recovery, more on the worship team at my church. And in January and February, there was so much fresh snow it was a dream to behold. I think I actually fell in love with the desert just a little bit. That saw a few trips to the snow, and more hikes in the rain as I grew even more and more alongside my favorite people & friends. In March...I got my first tattoo, and designed my second. I began to thoroughly struggle with anxiety as I learned to open up and witness more vocal tension and distraction than I had ever discovered was possible. Was & is it worth it? I will say over and over again, Absolutely. There is no reason why anyone should not have their voice. 

April I turned twenty-one, and the week following that, made a choice that I honestly am sometimes still recovering from because I still don't see why. It was the strongest heartache I have ever felt, and safely the hardest decision I ever made. But Jesus as always carried me through, and I can say right now in January of 2018, when I had other dreams & desires & hopes twelve months ago, that one choice has created a strength of soul in a depth I thought perhaps I had lost ten years ago. In May, I witnessed my cousin marry the man of her dreams, and saw so much family that I had simply missed in the growing-upness of things. In June, I took an extremely immense leap of faith, found the opportunity to move to L.A., and took a lease for three months. It was one of the financially harder decisions I made, but I had the time of my life because soar was so much more fulfilled in the first half of the year. I filmed my fourth full-length feature film, and played bride and modeled more than I had quite honestly thought possible. I struggled with finding a balance of no-one in my life, cooking for one, walking down the street on my own, grocery shopping and long drives alone. But in that I discovered an independence as I began life in essence 'on my own.' God began opening doors for me to find my niche, my real people. I again entertain(ed) the quiet dream of moving across the country yet again - away from all I wanted to get away from. 

Summer - I dealt with car issues, had a flat tire and dealt with it without my dad's help, and when my lease was up, jumped back into my teaching schedule back in the valley. And it didn't kill me entirely. I booked my first actual commercial. I attended my second professional movie premiere. September & October I taught. Managed a business. Discovered how much I loved teaching and working for myself; realized again how much it tied me down here. October brought about the beginning of a small group that is still growing into something bigger than anyone can realize. Our team is still being built now in January. November was the Hillsong conference, bringing me more tears and more joy combined than I think I ever realized. I brought home a puppy without telling anyone, and no one flipped upside down- I'm looking at you, Dad.  I think they'll keep me (& Trixie, too). Then I {finally} left the state for my first grown-up trip to Las Vegas for an incredible show; it was far more fun than that one year when my parents took us along for a business trip when I was age nine. I started leading worship consistently, & have been blessed in all His fulness in my very heartbeat for that. I know there's more to come. 

December. It was a quiet month. I watched two of my dearest friends get married on a gorgeous rock in the desert. It was whirl of business and busy-ness, not enough Christmas carols, & plenty of 2018 trip planning for me. It was the time when Dad realized he had to do something about his cancer, or that he would just die sitting still. It was the first year we did Christmas night instead of Christmas morning. But it was also such a month of vision and anticipation. Not the kind you get when looking forward to something specific though- even though it kind of was.

joshua tree bridal inspo-23.jpg

It was and is still a season of realizing that God is great, I am small, and there's something so sweet in saying yes to something far bigger than you can even imagine. 

I think that statement is you in a nutshell, 2017. You've been something new & unexpected & brave. I decided last year the words put on my heart specifically for you were "soar" and "flourish." Breaking off from all I could choose and wanted and leaving fulfilled the soar in ways I didn't even want or thought possible. 


You've been something new & unexpected & brave. I decided last year the words put on my heart specifically for you were "soar" and "flourish." Breaking off from all I could choose and wanted and leaving fulfilled the soar in ways I didn't even want or thought possible. 

Strengthening my roots in my church family, letting Jesus grow and shape my spirit, plan my unplanned existence, and unravel my bit of plan I do have. Watch Him write the adventure that I so desperately want & thrive in. That has been my atmosphere for flourish. 

God has proved His faithfulness over & over & over again, through it all. So, 2017. Here I am. I'm closing the door on this chapter, thoroughly excited for 2018 and all the unknown and exciting, all the scary and discouraging, but all the beauty and wonder of resting in a plan and purpose far greater than my own. 

much love to you, 2017.

sierra m.

p.s.- i can't wait to tell you about my new word.